Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Sister Sister

I have two great sisters, but lately they have been anything but. I always think that I try my hardest to do anything for them. If they ever need anything, I am right there with what they need. I have given them time, furniture, money, support, etc. I always feel that if I give, they will give me time and support b/c that is what I need. It never seems to even out that way. All I want from them is their time and support. How do I get that. Do they not see that? It is not like I expect it but never ask for it. I have let them know that I just want them to be there for me. And now....................where are they? Nowhere in sight. I always thought that being preg. would be so great with my sisters around me, but they are just not around me. Exactly what do you do when you just can't control how other act? Oh well, I do my best and that is all that I can control.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Tough Times at 10 weeks

Times have been really tough for me lately. I am having side effects from the heparin and morning sickness 24/7 that is really bad.

I know that I will make it, but it is tough for me right now. I have not had even ONE good day! I can't wait until I do.

It just seems so wrong to me that I have to have such a hard time getting this pregnancy and now the pregnancy has to be really hard. Is everything going to be hard for me?

I just needed a little vent time and wanted to document these tough times.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

6 Weeks 6 Days

I am moving forward. The heparin injections and progesterone pills seem to be helping. I am now having a small bout of morning sickness but nothing I can not handle. I hope to move forward and forward and forward until I have a healthy baby in my arms around Christmas. Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year, but now it seems like Christmas with icing on top if everything goes according to plan.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

New News

My journey has been long. I have overcome setback after setback after setback over the last 2 years. Now, I am hoping I am on a new journey. I found out last Monday, April 14th, that I am pregnant. After trying and failing for so long, this is welcome news. The day I heard, I had to begin taking two injections a day of Heparin. This is a blood thinner and should help with my Anticardiolipin Antibody problem. I also take one baby aspirin each morning along with a pill for my progesterone levels. This all seems like a lot, but if I can just make it to my 9 mo. goal, I will be set. I have so many new dreams and hopes. May the Lord watch over me during this special time.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

The title MOON AFTER MOON has deep meaning for me. It represents my struggles in minutes, hours, days and years. I feel like each passing moon is a moment in my life that is gone and the moons seem to be flying by. The cycles of the moon seem to represent those of my own. The last two years have been difficult for me. I feel like I have lived two lifetimes in two years and two years in two minutes. Each minute seems like an eternity. I always heard people talk about the biological clock, but didn't really understand until I stood face to face with my own. It stands tall and proud in my life on its own accord. I did not ask it to be there, but it is and I have to live and maneuver around it. It scares me to death. It forces me to play the "what if" game in my head over and over.

Up until this point, my life has been pretty much perfect. I feel really blessed. My family is fabulous. I have a husband that is wonderful and the perfect match for me. Of all the people in the world, if given the chance to choose, I would choose him again in a heartbeat. He is my world. I have faith in the Lord and am surrounded with loving people. I enjoy my job and am able to use my love for science each and everyday. My husband and I have acquired most all of the things we want. Everything seems so indefectible. There, however, is this one thing that we long for. There is something missing. Is it love, wealth, peace? No.

It is something that people have and take for granted while others have and abuse. It is something that I pray for. I work hard to get it but can't quite reach it. I don't ever know if I will be able to achieve this goal. I will keep reaching though.